Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
