How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
