We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
