He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
