Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
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