If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize