Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
