Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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