I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize