I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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