I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
