I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
