dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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