she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
