When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize