i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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