Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize