this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
