need another drink. this is the easiest way
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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