I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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