What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
