I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
