I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
