Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A+ Viking dick
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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