on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
