I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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