Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He did a backflip because drugs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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