I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
