sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
