Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
