So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
