I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
