things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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