Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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