I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
