Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize