I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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