Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
