My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
handjob tips. give me some.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
