Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
