Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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