so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
