people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize