He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
