He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
