I just cut my nipple shaving
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
