look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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