Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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