Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
