the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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