actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
