You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
