Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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