oh god the rape fog is back!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
