Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
