We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize