The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
