You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
