What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
