Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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