I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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