Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
