He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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