OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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