She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
