I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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