Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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