cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
