Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
