So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
